"Like doechii, I will only go out with men if they are strange"

For a little while (too early, if I'm honest) after my first long -term queer relationship, I was in one of the apps and thought about an introspective question: Who would I like to be seen? And do I want to add heterosexual men to my dating pool? In view of the fact that I always identified as bisexual, I winced with my shoulders and decided to see what would happen if I would throw my network as wide as possible.

The result was a date with a heterosexual man in Cisgender, a week later, when I paid for his dinner, he insulted my personality, and I stormed back into the tube alone, and swore to go out from now on only other queer people. That was almost five years ago and I haven't looked back since then.

I later learned that my decision was not unusual; Many bisexuals, rumsexuals and queer people – who could theoretically be open to the dating of Cishet people, only choose other queer people. For many of us, it is a security provision: other strange people are less likely to be unchallenged, queerphobic beliefs, and it is more likely that they express their identity openly and freely. This can feel particularly important, since Bi- and Pan women are disproportionately high rates of violence and stalking of intimate partners, which is partly due to fetishizing stereotypes.

So I was surprised that I relate so many people last week Hot against. As a result, she tells DJ Milan that her red flag is “heterosexual men”. “How, I mean, strike one, you are a man,” she said, “and you are heterosexual.”

Straight men used this as an opportunity to think about why a woman could completely reject her from her dating pool and … haha, just a joke! A few of them blew up on social media and accused Doechii of having an “anti -man” agenda or blaming them to make them contributing to the so -called male loneliness epidemic.

Like Doechii, who was always open to her bisexuality, I decided to beat heterosexual men from my dating menu, partly because of my bisexuality. After I have mainly appointed women and non-binary people in my adult life, I am still open to men-but only if they are strange. With women I can easily build deep emotional bonds, with non-binary people that I can combine through our common gender identity, and strange men with whom I have the least one, I can at least empathize with our experience of strangeness. But what do I have with a heterosexual man? What would we talk about at all? Sport? Crypto? Lynx Africa? I have no idea.

“Dating Bi/Queer men means that we already have an essential understanding,” says Katie, a journalist from London, who is Pansexual and has been with her bisexual, non-binous partner for six years. “Unfortunately, we both probably experienced homophobia and come out to friends and family, so I don't have to exhaust myself to explain these situations and how they affected me.”

My choice that Cishet men cannot be met is also political. I am a BI feminist, a branch of feminism that aims to tackle monosexism – the belief that everyone is or should only be attracted by one gender. In addition, BI -Feminism encourages all women to keep our partners into a number of standards regardless of their gender. In reality, this usually means being aware of how we are socialized in order to be more forgiving with men. In addition, I would never agree with a man who fetishes my attraction in women, just like I would not go out with a woman who felt uncomfortable with my attraction.

“[Queer men] Do not usually expect that I play a female role in gender -specific role. “

Lou, a strange non-binary person from London, has similar feelings and so far it prefers queer men because they believe that they are less likely to be traditional, heteropatriarchal dating roles. “[Queer men] The traditional dating expectations tend to be less likely and do not normally expect that I will play a female role in gender -specific, ”they explain that they do not have to navigate in a situation in which they do not have to navigate in the queer community, not from a large part of their lives.

But it's not just BI people who want to go out with queer men. Lady (CIS) women also want a piece of the campaign. There are Memes in many women who claim that they don't want a friend unless he is “a bit fruity”; And we all remember the reaction challenger. For some heterosexual women, it is assumed that the BI men bring less poisonous masculinity than heterosexual men, and possibly better partners, since they also experience marginalization.

But Vaneet Mehta, the author of Bi men existis not sold. “There is this idea that heterosexual men do not do a lot of internal work on themselves, but BI men had to do an internal work to realize and feel with BI,” explains Vaneet, adding that this will not be better or safer partners. “BI men are still men and therefore still have a level of privileges.”

He is also not sure whether heterosexual women have done enough to address their own homophobia and biphobia. “How fruity is fruity? There always seems to be a border, ”Vaneet continues. “Many of them actually don't want female men, they want men who can still be over.”

Since more and more women from heterosexual men deviate or only men in general, since the interest in celibacy and the 4B movement continue to grow, Queer4queer or Bi4Bi can offer some of us, but it is not about the underlying problem: men are becoming increasingly right and antifeminist, and the ideological gap between young men and women rises. So is dating queer men the answer? Or is the rejection just a river?

Lois Shearing is Cosmoplitan's former senior sex and relationship author. You have been writing sex, sexuality, gender, politics and relationships for almost ten years. Her letter on these topics appeared in Mashable, The Independent, Metro, The Advocate and Byline Times. In 2021 they published their first book, BI with JKP. They are currently working on two other books that are to be published in 2024. In an earlier life, they worked as a content marketer and content author for various tech start-ups. They are still interested in the technology sector and its effects on our life, our relationships and our work, with special consideration of the way AI will shape our relationships in the future. Outside of work, they are deeply passionate about the organizing queer community and lead the only support resource for bisexual surviving sexual violence in Great Britain: the BI Survivors Network. You can find them on Instagram and X.

“Like doechii, I will only go out with men if they are strange”

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