Fafo's parenting trends, but what do experts think?

When I was on the way with my daughter the next morning, we went through our usual ritual: I presented her weather-appropriate clothing options, and I-naturally in my face. I wanted her to wear socks and a jacket. She wanted to wear underwear and nothing else. At freezing temperatures.

I thought I had won the battle when I managed to wrestle her in pants and a long -sleeved shirt. But then she increased the ante – now, the jacket, socks And Shoes were out of the question. After I had argued a few laps with a completely inappropriate toddler, I gave it up, shoveled it and strapped her into the stroller, shoe.

We made it half a block before suddenly she actually discovered it Was cold. She reluctantly allowed me to put on her shoes. Sure, I have a few evaluating looks of passers -by, but the victory was mine and it was it sweet. It turned out that I had unintentionally mastered what social media calls Fafo parent.

What is FAFO Parenting?

Finding the idea behind this approach that children learn best by dealing with natural consequences of their actions instead of constantly intervening the parents. As with many modern parenting ends, it was achieved on social media (where else?), With supporters as urgently needed meters to rise from helicopters and gentle parenthood, praise styles, which, as they argue, protect children out of every obstacle and thus to learn their ability to learn from mistakes.

Let us assume, for example, that your child decides that it does not want lunch (even though they made his favorite -mac ' -n cheese). 30 minutes later quickly and he is hungry. Sorry, the kitchen is closed! You say. Or instead of studying your child for your scientific test, simply let her deal with a bad grade. This is FAFO Parenting.

But is this approach actually effective and when does it go too far? Let us collapse.

What do the experts think?

Stacy Thiry, a licensed mental health consultant in growth therapy, tells me some clear advantages for FAFO's parenting. It is most noteworthy that it promotes problem solving and independence. “When children have consequences in real life (within certain limits), they learn to think critically and adapt their behavior,” says Thiry. “If you forget your homework, you have the result that you explain to your teacher instead of relying on a parent rescue at the last minute.” This approach also creates resilience and accountability, since children receive a real lesson in terms of responsibility and self -confidence.

And there are also clear advantages for parents, namely the reduction of power struggles and the preparation of our children in the real world. Take the situation with my toddler, which, for example, refuses to wear your shoes. My child is stubborn. To be honest, she could have argued with me about her selection of shoes (or its absence) for an hour. By practicing FAFO parenting and the feeling that she had the cold felt for herself, I immediately ended the power struggle while I did what Thiry “relocates learning from external rules – a powerful lesson”. There is also the possibility to develop the skills she will need to be later with greater challenges in order to develop this relatively low challenge (she was cold for two seconds).

How to practice Fafo parenting

First measure the operations – not all instances are suitable for the F*CE -Away and find out the approach (more on this below). But if it looks like this could be a good learning moment for your child, you just have to sit back and let it happen.

Remember to compensate for the consistency with empathy. “Children should know that their parents are still a source of love and support,” warns Thiry. Although it was immensely satisfying when my daughter decided to put her shoes into the icy cold, I didn't use it as an opportunity to show her how mom is always right (“Do you see? I told you!”). Instead, I said something like “Brrr … it's cold! We need shoes when we go outside. Leave us the next time we leave the house.” Remember the goal here is to help your child.

When does FAFO Parenting not work?

Nevertheless, there are times when FAFO's parenting is best avoided. “Not all lessons are worth learning on the hard tour,” says Thiry. For example, the parents should use at any time when their security is endangered (remember: if a child does not want to hold their hand while crossing the street). And some children, whether they are too young or have neurodiverse needs, may have difficulty establishing the connections between the action and the consequence. In these cases, more structured guidance is the better approach.

Conclusion: If the use is adequately used, the parenting of FAFO can be a highly effective approach to convey independence, resilience and skills to solve problems. “Let children experience manageable consequences, but always be there to lead, validate it and help them process what they have learned,” advises Thiry.

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