How to meet when … they are an embarrassing person

One of my favorite shows from last year was Nobody wants thatThe Netflix Romcom with Kristen Bell as a skeptical sex podcaster Joanne and Adam Brody as Noah, the serious rabbi that she reluctantly falls on. In a masterfully constructed episode, Joanne watches in an embarrassing horror how Noah leaves and feels through a meeting with her family how the confidante Dread-Creep of the ICK branches her feelings towards him in real time. She is not subtle and he notices. His answer? He tells her that Come over it. They are well together, they like each other and it is worth making progress.

This feeling of embarrassment that sprouts between otherwise very compatible couples are not unusual, and the Noah approach is the approach that I would recommend to anyone who feels a little (or much) for the person for whom they are otherwise crazy. Get a handle, put it in the context and concentrate on the things that are actually important.

But how do I do that? First find out whether your embarrassment has something except … embarrassment. Do you overdo harmless quirks, or do things that really think you are so rude to talk to workers or about your friends? Are you uncool or are you? uncool?

When he's the former, give you a break because you are a little embarrassed. I am sure that you beat yourself and frankly that will not help. A reality check is good, but excessive shame is never the way. Almost all of us allow other people's opinions from time to time into our relationships. So forgive yourself if you influence the real or imaginary judgment that comes your partner's way. But also remember if you are someone who wants a long -term and loving relationship, you have to find a way to prevent the judgment your Judgment and forgive in their opinion. Because a great partner is not someone who was apparently grown in a laboratory for their exact specifications; They are a person with their own quirks and habits that are shaped by their own life experiences.

So a TV The white lotus You will have seen another perfect example of a couple in which one of the other in the dynamics between Rick (Walton Goggins) and Chelsea (the radiant Aimee Lou Wood) is constantly torn open. She overflows with seriousness while he was flinching when he is asked to enjoy a single moment of her society. There is certain that love and chemistry and commitment are between them, but there is also the feeling that 97 percent of what it does and says that he fulfills it with a deep and strong tiredness. Although it doesn't matter to me to make a trip to a five -star hotel in Thailand, they could not pay me to be on both sides of this dynamic.

To hope that these feelings of embarrassment simply disappear alone is understandable, but naive. Instead, you have to get nearby with you, down in the weeds. You have to exceed a bit, look you from this point of view and this angle, speak with a buddy, write in your diary, press on it and see what, if at all. Which clarity you can win get your relationship to safer, friendly and gentler ground.

Ask yourself to try to see the loveliness in the properties you find frightening

Perhaps you are a person who feels embarrassed in second hand than others, the kind of person who has to leave the room during an unpleasant reality TV confrontation or to the seriousness of live music or public suggestions. Perhaps her embarrassment towards your partner is actually frustrated with her own difficulty to fall your guard and not to worry about what other people think. Perhaps you are startled because there is a part of them that rejects their lack of inhibitions when their numerous, rigid and punished. If so, you know that and accept it from you. But understand that something happens with what happens YouAnd resist the impulse to mark your partner's benign behavior as a problem.

Being embarrassing means being human. So ask yourself to see the loveliness in the characteristics that you will find terrifying. Perhaps you are loud and over -friendly or eat with the kind of enthusiasm that draws strange looks, or clap when the plane ends up. Do what you can do to see these properties through a loving or neutral lens. Talkative people make it easier for the rest of us to relax. The food with ruthless dedication shows a person who feels deep and with all his senses (Anthony Bourdain knew that his wife was the one after destroying a six pound of lobster on one of her early data). And clap when the plane ends up? I think we can all agree that our aviation personnel deserve praise.

Someone who comes with so many rewards in the long term. Knowing someone deeply and knowing him in return is a gift. But over time and a gradual unveiling of their two inner work, the inner worlds, the silly habits, table manners and the worrying couple underwear: things will sometimes feel too much and too close. That's okay! It is really not a complete catastrophe if you continue to roughly roughly on the person you are with. But to love someone means to confront these feelings and work through them- and do this before our embarrassment becomes obvious to them. We all earn it with people who usually find us miraculous. Don't be satisfied with less and do not ask others.